Ever wake up not knowing where you are?
I wake up that way every morning.
It’s a feeling that scares me. I don’t belong where I am, but I don’t know how to find what it is that I am constantly looking for, longing for.
I want to feel like I belong. To someone, to something.
Yet, whenever I am close to feeling that way I push that person away, or run away from the situation.
I drive myself insane wanting something that I know will never happen, because I won’t allow it to.
I think I am lacking some crucial strand of chromosomes that enables me to feel or to believe.
Nothing good in my life has ever been consistent.
Something always goes wrong.
It doesn’t have to be something BIG that is wrong, some small minute crack is enough for me to think of something as tarnished and ruin the gleam I thought it held just a few moments prior.
I think I am just ruined.
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