Always unanswered questions. April 20, 2010

I’m not going to keep doing this to myself.

I promised myself I was going to get over this and look to the future.

I don’t know what that holds and its a scary scary thought.

Always looked ahead, and forever behind me.
But have never actually thought out the circumstances that come with the future I have mapped out for myself.

Does someone have a crystal ball?
I just want to know I am making the right decision with this.
That I am not going to look back in 10 years and beat myself up over this, how I have been over the past 5 years.

I want.
No, I need
Someone to tell me if I am being stupid.
If I should stick it out.
Or if I should walk away.

and HOW I do any of these things.
I feel like I am a constant limbo.
Fighting with myself over every small detail.

Something as small as someone asking how I am can lead to my analyzing my answer for hours.
What will they take away from my answer?
Will they think differently of me now?
Am I just ridiculously paranoid?
Why do I care what people think? And how can I stop myself from caring?

I don’t want to.
I just want to do what I want.
When I want, like I should be doing.

If only I knew what I wanted.