I’m not. May 11, 2010

I’m not one of those girls that craves drama.
I hate it.
I’m not one of those girls who creates drama.
I do everything I can to avoid it.
I’m not one of those girls who thinks the world revolves around me.
In fact, most days, I wish the ground would swallow me whole.
I like being invisible.
I like being anonymous.
Its calming.

So why is it, that I have to plead, whoa is me?
This is not who I am, but I just need to know, WHY do I always get treated the same way?
Do I have it stamped on my forehead?
Am I a more terrible person than I imagined?

It doesn’t matter how much I run and hide, the drama seems to catch up with me.
I am over it.
My goal this year was to be a better person, I feel like this is slowly slipping from me.
First the cancellation of my course.
Then I dumped my partner because I can’t get over feelings for a past lover.
Now, I have lost a friend because I just cannot take the crap anymore…

All of this, and I can’t help but wonder what it is going through her head?
The way things have been swapped around and altered to suit situations almost seems as if they are drug/alcohol affected, at the very least, emotionally unstable,

Yet, whilst I want all this gone, all over with.
Part of me wants to post everything in a blog.
Get it all out – because I want to know if what I did, who I am, is really that terrible of a person.

Maybe I just am.